Saturday, July 31, 2004

Why do we have to fall in love???? Why???? It really hurts freaking bad!!!!Especially when you are committed to the relationship. Ain't thissarcastic??? Most of my lady friends always lament to me how their partnersalways neglect them or worst, some of their partners are fooling aroundoutside. But when a guy is good and nice to them, they tend to take this guyfor granted and neglect him by spending time with their friends or have funwith them friends while the guy stays at home. If there's a way to describelove, all I can say that its like drinking. Some people drink for leisurejust to get the kick while others drink to get real drunk and ends up with aheadache and a bad hangover most of the times. In love, some just enjoy thefeeling of been in love and go around fooling around and go hopping in andout of relations like they mean nothing while some fall hopelessly in lovewith their partners just to end up with their hearts broken and their lifein a deep mess. Why do I have to fall so deeply in love with her, why cantI just control my emotions and not get hurt when she left me. Maybe if I'mto choose between falling deeply in love and getting drunk, I'll choose thelatter as for the least, I can still control when and where to go for adrink and what to drink, and also stop when I want to. But in love, I justcommit myself and now what do I get, memories that'll come back to haunt menow and then. Whenever I pass by the places that we've been to together, myheart will just ache. How I envy all those couples that I bump into now andthen everywhere I go, I envy them from the bottom of my heart and wish themhappiness. I remember that I once met an elderly couple, they were at leastin their mid sixties and yet they were still holding hands and walking sideby side each other as if they are just like any young couples out there whohad just fallen in love. How I envy this couple and deep down in my heart, Ireally wish that the 2 of us will be like them in future, but alas, lifeplays joke on me. Am now a loner once more, just like a vagabond or drifteron a rubber dinghy lost in the middle of the ocean drifting as the currentbrings me; aimless, lost and tired. Although we're now apart, I will stillwish you happiness and that you will find that guy in your life that you'llfeel happy with. As for me, maybe I'll jus wait on my rubber dinghy and praythat one day in the future, the current might bring me to your port again,back into your warmth.

Monday, July 26, 2004

hmmx.. another 1/2 day of sch gone with me slacking at home.. sighz.. hate this.. better get a super alarm clock to prevent me from oversleeping again.. =x

Sunday, July 25, 2004

hmmx.. wat a nite.. cant slp again.. haha.. thousands of thots on my mind again..
each day I meet a new girl.. haha.. sounds flirtish? interesting? haha.. to me.. its still the same dull life.. meet new girl oso lidat.. no feelings at all.. haha.. perhaps just normal man's reaction.. lolx.. or rather.. I don't look forward to it.. well.. to me they are all the same.. just members of the opposite sex.. normal.. nothing interesting..
well.. perhaps only lil interesting at the beginning ba.. nv thot that there'd be people who hope for fairy tales like me.. met this gal called yiting.. haha.. she oso habour the same thots as me~ haha.. clique~ hmmx.. im planning to write a modern fairy tale.. hmmx.. perhaps with some of her ideas.. gotten from her day dreams.. haha.. quite a nice sweet gal.. nice fren.. =)
*anyway.. hope things written here will only be read n not discussed abt ok?*

Tuesday, July 20, 2004

hmmx... today after school went club play carrom.. saw pepsi.. looks kinda moody today.. wonder whats wrong with her.. =/
she left after a while.. after that i went to play pool with darrensss.. hmmx.. bad day.. played badly.. sighz.. sianz..
wondering why she looked so moody.. =(

Monday, July 19, 2004

Never mind..... 
 Once, there lived a child. He lived in a happy family, with parents and siblings. However, he never stopped to think about how wonderful his life had been. He just kept on playing, squabbling with his siblings when they did not want to play what he wanted to play.
However, when he wanted to apologize, he always said, "Never mind, there's tomorrow." When he grew up a little, school was a very nice place for him. He learned, made friends, and was very happy. However, he never thought that this was happiness to him.It all came so naturally that he felt it should become part of his life.
One day, he had a great fight with his best friend. Though he knew he was in the wrong, he never took the initiative to apologize or made up with his best friend. His excuse was, "Never mind, I'll do it tomorrow." When he grew up yet some more, that best friend was no longer part of his. Even though he still sees his friend around, but they don't even greet each other. But that was all right, because he still had other good friends. He and his friends did almost everything together, eating, playing, doing homework, and fooling around. Yes, they were another bunch of very good friends.
When he graduated, work kept him very busy. He's found himself a very pretty and virtuous girlfriend and she soon became his constant companion. He made himself busy with work, because he wanted to get promoted to the highest position with the shortest time possible. Sure, he missed his good friends. He missed them a lot. But he never got down to keep in touch with them, not even a telephone call. He always said, "Boy, I'm so tired, I'll catch up with them tomorrow." It didn't affect him at all because he could find colleagues who are always willing to go pubing with him. Thus, as time passes by, he's forgotten to call his friends.
After he's got married with kids, he works even harder in order to bring comfort to his family. He never buys flowers for his wife anymore, nor does he remember his wife's birthdays and wedding anniversary. It was all right because his wife always understood him, and never blamed him. Of course, he felt guilty at times and wanted very much to have a chance to say to his wife " I love you", but he never got down to doing it. His excuse was "never mind, I'll do it tomorrow for sure". 
He never made it to his children's birthday parties, but this time he did not knew how it would affect the children. The children began to drift away from him, as they never really spent time with their father. One day, disaster struck when his wife was killed in an accident. It was a hit and run accident. But on that day, he was in the middle of a meeting. Failing to understand that it is a fatal accident, he arrived by his wife's deathbed only to see her on the verge of death. Before he could mouth out the words "I love you", his wife already passed away. The man became despondent and tried to find solace in his children after his wife's death. However, he soon realized that the children do not even try to communicate with him.
Soon, his children have grown up and found their own families. Nobody cared for this old man who in the past hadn't spared his time for them. He moved into the best Old Folk's Home, which provides excellent service with the money he has saved for he and his wife's 50th, 60th and 70th anniversary celebrations. All the money intended to go to Hawaii, New Zealand, and other countries went into the fund that pays for his stay in the home. From that time until his deathbed, there were only old folks and nurses taking care of him. He now felt the loneliness that he did not feel before.
 Upon his deathbed, he called a nurse in and said to her, "Ah. If only I had realized this earlier. .? And died with tears upon his cheek. What I am trying to tell you is time never stops. You go on and on, and before you realized it, you've alreadyNever mind..... Once, there lived a child. He lived in a happy family, with parents and siblings. However, he never stopped to think about how wonderful his life had been. He just kept on playing, squabbling with his siblings when they did not want to play what he wanted to play.
However, when he wanted to apologize, he always said, "Never mind, there's tomorrow." When he grew up a little, school was a very nice place for him. He learned, made friends, and was very happy. However, he never thought that this was happiness to him.It all came so naturally that he felt it should become part of his life.
One day, he had a great fight with his best friend. Though he knew he was in the wrong, he never took the initiative to apologize or made up with his best friend. His excuse was, "Never mind, I'll do it tomorrow." When he grew up yet some more, that best friend was no longer part of his. Even though he still sees his friend around, but they don't even greet each other. But that was all right, because he still had other good friends. He and his friends did almost everything together, eating, playing, doing homework, and fooling around. Yes, they were another bunch of very good friends.
When he graduated, work kept him very busy. He's found himself a very pretty and virtuous girlfriend and she soon became his constant companion. He made himself busy with work, because he wanted to get promoted to the highest position with the shortest time possible. Sure, he missed his good friends. He missed them a lot. But he never got down to keep in touch with them, not even a telephone call. He always said, "Boy, I'm so tired, I'll catch up with them tomorrow." It didn't affect him at all because he could find colleagues who are always willing to go pubing with him. Thus, as time passes by, he's forgotten to call his friends.
After he's got married with kids, he works even harder in order to bring comfort to his family. He never buys flowers for his wife anymore, nor does he remember his wife's birthdays and wedding anniversary. It was all right because his wife always understood him, and never blamed him. Of course, he felt guilty at times and wanted very much to have a chance to say to his wife " I love you", but he never got down to doing it. His excuse was "never mind, I'll do it tomorrow for sure".
He never made it to his children's birthday parties, but this time he did not knew how it would affect the children. The children began to drift away from him, as they never really spent time with their father. One day, disaster struck when his wife was killed in an accident. It was a hit and run accident. But on that day, he was in the middle of a meeting. Failing to understand that it is a fatal accident, he arrived by his wife's deathbed only to see her on the verge of death. Before he could mouth out the words "I love you", his wife already passed away. The man became despondent and tried to find solace in his children after his wife's death. However, he soon realized that the children do not even try to communicate with him.
Soon, his children have grown up and found their own families. Nobody cared for this old man who in the past hadn't spared his time for them. He moved into the best Old Folk's Home, which provides excellent service with the money he has saved for he and his wife's 50th, 60th and 70th anniversary celebrations. All the money intended to go to Hawaii, New Zealand, and other countries went into the fund that pays for his stay in the home. From that time until his deathbed, there were only old folks and nurses taking care of him. He now felt the loneliness that he did not feel before.
Upon his deathbed, he called a nurse in and said to her, "Ah. If only I had realized this earlier. .? And died with tears upon his cheek. What I am trying to tell you is time never stops. You go on and on, and before you realized it, you've already gone very far. If you had quarrelled, make up quickly! If you feel you need to hear your friend's voice, don't hesitate to pick up the phone. If there are many dreams that you wish to fulfil, fulfil them as soon as possible. Lastly, but most importantly, if you feel you need to tell somebody that you care, don't wait until it is too late. If you keep thinking you will do that another day, then that day will never come. If you always think that tomorrow will come, then 'tomorrow' will run out quickly and you'll realize the time that you've left behind you.
* "Where there is love there is life" "Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest" "Good friends are like stars... You do not always see them, but you know they are always there"  gone very far. If you had quarrelled, make up quickly! If you feel you need to hear your friend's voice, don't hesitate to pick up the phone. If there are many dreams that you wish to fulfil, fulfil them as soon as possible. Lastly, but most importantly, if you feel you need to tell somebody that you care, don't wait until it is too late. If you keep thinking you will do that another day, then that day will never come. If you always think that tomorrow will come, then 'tomorrow' will run out quickly and you'll realize the time that you've left behind you. *

Sunday, July 18, 2004

i miss u.. i really do.. but.. i can't say it to u.. neither can i do anything about it.. sighz.. i miss u gal.. u r simply too cute.. not "ugly but adorable".. but adorable n sweet.. u seem so perfect.. so flawless.. a princess i hope i can pamper.. a special gal i hope i can hold in my arms.. an angel i am missing.. im falling in love with you..

Saturday, July 17, 2004

hmmx.. just had a heart to heart talk with her.. we agreed to let nature take its course.. well.. dun intend to let many noe abt tis.. well.. im happy now that things are pretty much ok.. but afraid of the awkwardness when we actually meet face to face.. but well.. wat to do.. I've got to face her somehow.. hmmx I'll try to do it.. or rather.. I have to do it well.. =)



hmmx.. well.. since u already noe abt it le.. then I have nothing to hide le.. well.. actualli this entry is supposed to be written for the sole purpose of uncovering a secret.. but well.. I shall update more in order to be fair for you to tell me the secret..
well.. these days see u almost everyday.. sometimes just dread to see you.. not becos I hate you.. but I find myself falling deeper.. but well.. I have to control.. cos u have a boyfren.. one whom so many tinks is so good to you.. and you love him.. I have no reasons to create trouble.. except that I find myself falling deeper in it with each passing day..
was surprised to see him appear yesterday.. cos I wasn't informed that he would come.. I didn't know how to react.. and I had to watch the 2 of you together.. I can't say its hurt.. but just sour.. really sour.. to realise that the person in ur heart is not me and will not be me.. I understand that I'm in no position to hope for anything.. but well.. its only natural for me to dream abt it ba.. thats why I hardly utter a word yesterday.. I felt awkward.. so awkward..
I'll control.. and suppress it.. I wun create problems for u adorable gal.. =)

Friday, July 16, 2004

haix.. im feeling so freaking moody again.. where are all my friends? where are they when I need them?
why can't I just find someone I can rely on? someone I can trust.. someone I can pour out my heart to.. haix..
+ I envY pplE whO caN crY +

Wednesday, July 14, 2004

haix.. wats wrong with my life these days? might seem normal to some people.. but something is just awfully wrong.. something is simply lacking.. the rain was a hoax.. the fish isnt ripe.. and theres even a can of pepsi.. but i can only see someone holding on tightly to it..
the sky darkened but the rain didnt fall.. maybe i had wanted some weather changes so much that I imaginged it rained.. its just a hoax..
the fish seems so pretty from far.. n when i observed it.. its scales actualli so defined.. arousing my desire to feel it.. but I failed to realise that its actualli starting to rot.. and the fact is I cant do anything about it.. I can only watch it slowly rot n at the most.. show some concern..
a can of pepsi with an adorable design.. might look plain from far.. but when u actually go nearer n observe it carefully.. u'll slowly fall in love with it.. maybe even to the extent u can't bear to have the idea to drink it.. leaving it in his hands.. watching him with the adorable can of pepsi..
the fish the rain n the pepsi.. of them all.. I love the can of pepsi most.. but sadly.. its already sold out.. or maybe stock is coming in soon? who noes? sighz.. I really dunno wat more to say.. I think I can't possibly rob the man of the last can of pepsi rite? sighz.. I can only wait.. till new stock is available.. is it possible? have I finally felt the feeling of love that I've lost since 2 years ago? I dunno if I shld be happy or sad if thats true.. happy that I feel love again? sad bcos its not available?
hmmx.. this entry sounds pretty crappy rite? =x

Monday, July 12, 2004

When you are together with that special someone,
you pretend to ignore that person. But when that
special someone is not around, you might look
around to find them. At that moment, you are in
love.

Although there is someone else who always makes
you laugh, your eyes and attention might go only
to that special someone. Then, you are in love.

Although that special someone was supposed to
have called you long back, to let you know of
their safe arrival, your phone is quiet. You are
desperately waiting for the call!
At that moment, you are in love.

If you are much more excited for one short e-
mail from that special someone than other many
long e-mails, you are
in love.

When you find yourself as one who cannot erase
all the messages in your answering machine
because of one message from thatspecial someone,
you are in love.

When you get a couple of free movie tickets, you
would not
hesitate to think of that special someone. Then,
you are in love.

You keep telling yourself, "that special someone
is just a friend", but you realize that you can
not avoid that person's special attraction. At
that moment, you are in love.

While you are reading this page, if someone
appears in
your mind, then u are in love with that person.

Thursday, July 08, 2004

hmmx.. met yuer just now.. went walk walk then came back at 11++..

Tuesday, July 06, 2004

present i made..

Monday, July 05, 2004

"i thought alot about what kinda girlfriend i want.. let me describe to you.. height not too short.. presentable looks.. knows how to doll up.. be feminine.. haha.. character wise.. hmmx.. so long as she loves n cares for me n gives me attention can le.. is dat very tough? hehex =P"


haix.. today met a pretty monkey.. heard shes just broken up with mr monkey.. she love him alot de.. and there're so many pple after this monkey.. this monkey is kinda cute.. n sweet.. her voice very nice too.. but well.. shes the centre of attraction.. sooo haha.. =)

Sunday, July 04, 2004

hmmx.. today.. went to watch movie at orchard.. with 2d peepz~ watched haha.. hmmx.. think its still okay la..
took some picture but.. well.. dunno how to upload yet.. or rather.. lazy.. haha.. shall do so some other time..

Saturday, July 03, 2004

an extract from her blog
" Went cycling with Jie Qi , Liwen & Teck Ming. =) cycled to Bedok Jetty. along da way i talked to Jie Qi. talked about M.Y *heh heh* so cute! both of us same taste. aniwaes might be seeing him tml . =D =D =D *kekes* "
well.. obvious enuff to show theres someone in her mind? sighz.. and everyone else is mentioned in her blog except me.. sighz.. another hint? wahaha.. perhaps these are just excuses for me to give up.. =/


sighz.. perhaps its all nothing but an illusion.. forget about all the birthday celebration ideas.. sorry to those whom I have seeked ideas from.. sorry to let ur ideas go to waste.. sighz..
perhaps we are people living in 2 different worlds.. the gap between us is simply too wide.. perhaps shes just a body to hold my hopes for that few moments.. guess its all clear now.. i aint the one for her.. and she isnt the one i seek.. she has somebody in mind.. sighz..
I msged her saying I miss her just now.. her reply is that she dun.. sighz.. every sms I send her.. I think hard about wat to put.. so as to impress her.. make her laff.. make her remember.. give her a deeper impression.. but perhaps its just not enuff.. im still not the one she desires.. she already have somebody in mind.. sighz.. its just not meant to be..
nvm.. tmr shall be a brand new day when I start seeking again..
diana just msged me on frenster.. haha.. so surprised.. cos not really noe her.. just seen her like twice.. didnt tok much oso.. suddenly msg me ask me how am i? haha.. funny.. hmmx nvm abt that.. shall concentrate on the seeking of a new beginning..
I wanna live life again.. I wanna live in happiness.. not in regrets.. can I? may I? please? =)

Friday, July 02, 2004

went to meet her at tiong bahru just now.. hmmx went there meet her she pei me makan.. then tok tok.. go buy comic.. buy drink.. then walk her home.. hmmx.. since then no contact le.. shes so cute.. her voice.. her smile.. her everything..
I'm missing u like crazy gal.. u noe it? =/

Thursday, July 01, 2004

sighz.. im in deep thots again.. i wonder.. wonder n wonder.. wat am I doing? am I on the right path? do I really know wat I want? is she wat I want? or who I tink I wan? just someone to place my love in? sighz..
im troubled again.. wahaha.. is this good or bad? at least i have something to be troubled about?! sighz!!!

sometimes i wonder what i tink i wan isit actualli wat i realli wan?
or isit just a place to place my hope in?

- Lost Soul #3385 -

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