Friday, October 29, 2004

just now wanted to write alot.. but now no mood already.. sighz.. really miss her alot alot.. wonder wat is she doing now.. really really miss her.. if we were still together.. we would be on the fone now.. whispering sweet nothings to each other.. or maybe quarrelling.. or crapping nonsense.. sighz.. i really miss everything about her.. everything i do i get reminded of her.. these days.. im starting to dislike going out.. cuz everytime i go out on the streets.. the couples i see.. the places i go.. sighz.. everything.. i just miss her so much.. never realised i would really love her this much.. i still do sms to 933.. wonder if she does especially go listen for it.. sighz.. all these i wonder.. =/

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

hmmms.. did i mentioned I sent a sms to Yes9.33FM for sms dedication everynite? the messages are all for her.. just her.. messages to express my misses for her.. and that i'll never leave her no matter wat.. and that i'll be waiting for her..
got a sms from her just now..

"Hey.. des.. u sent a sms to 933 yest? cos i heard it.."

"""Erm.. Ya.. Never thought you'd heard it.. Actually i sent everynight.. Hoping one night you'll hear it.. Don't hope for anything.. just hope you'll know i'm still around for you.. Always.."""

"Hai.. i see.. er.. don send le la.. i mean.. i don wanna waste your time or money.. frens r good too.. anewae.. thanx.. yest i heard it on my way bac frm work."

"""No la.. Perhaps its just a way to release my emotions.. Cos i nv felt this way before.. The pain.. The misses.. Everthing.. But i do mean every word i said.."""

"I know.. but i'm so good with my stead now.. i don wanna leave him.. i also wan u to know u r a nice guy.. can find v nice girls.."

"""Its not about whether i'm a nice guy or whether i can find a nice gal.. The thing is the love is there already it cant be transferred to another gal.. I cant choose who i love.. I can only accept it that you're who i love no matter i can be together with u anot.. Its not my choice but I jux gotta accept.."""

"""He can wait 4 months for you then i can wait 8 months, 16 months or even longer.. bcos i love you.. Nth more.. I'm not wastin time.. I know wat i'm doin.."""

there isnt anymore reply from her anymore.. I know shes very happy with her stead now.. well.. at least thats wat she says.. but no guarantee one day he might leave her.. hurt her.. I just wanna stay by her side and be there whenever she needs me.. It would be a lie if I say I dun nid any payback.. but for now.. the only thing I can do is to be there whenever she needs someone.. but even that is tough.. cos I dun tink our current state of relationship allows me to do so.. well.. no choice.. its all my fault to begin with.. so I cant grumble.. I've no one to blame except myself.. I'll try hard to change.. I'll be true to you.. all because I've really fallen deep into the abyss of loving you..
been into gaming (maplestory) alot for the past few days.. perhaps relieved me slightly from the pain.. but distracted me from studies too..
tmr got paper.. now gotta go study lerhs.. hmmms.. tmr maybe go Ngee Ann City the delifrance to interview.. $4/hr.. ok lar hor? kkkiex..
I'll cheer up and be a better man.. for her.. =)
cya peeps~

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

hmmms today.. woke up around 12pm.. mum woke me up to find something.. so mah fan.. disturb my sleep! hmph! hmmms then went online.. chat chat chat.. then after that watched "Ai Qing He Yue" aka Love contract.. then makan..
after tt met dionis aka "tan chi gui" aka "tongue freak" aka "spender" haha.. so many nicks aquired today.. remarkable ar.. hmms.. went timah to play pool.. was raining cats and dogs when i left the house.. and somemore i late le.. so no choice lorhs.. took a cab down.. 7+ lehs.. so ex.. dunno how the uncle drive one.. i take midnite oso 8+ only lehs.. same dist somemore.. toopid uncle.. cheat my money.. play pool.. was working hard n learning from her.. she teaching me how to lose her.. very tough to learn sia! haha.. then was training my doubles oso.. not bad.. li hai hor? =P
tmr wanna play bball lerhs.. sooo long nv play sia.. lose touch liaos.. sianz lehs.. all bball kahkees in ns or taking As.. hmmms.. wait they come out i cant even shoot liaos.. haha..
last sat zhiwei,zhihao & huixiang came my place at nite to play mahjong.. haha.. we played only 2 fengs then stop liaos.. all completely no mood for mahjong.. first time play mahjong till so sianz.. maybe i not used to playing small lerhs.. haha.. in the end digged out all the games n stuffs in my house.. then played risk in the end.. my armies conquered the world~~~ haha~~ im the strategist~~ =)

Monday, October 25, 2004

these nites are especially lonely.. cold lonely nites.. without u on the other end of my fone.. sigh.. I really miss u.. ur laughter.. ur sweet smile..
baby wun u tell me why? why did u have to leave? why couldnt u stay and give me another chance? sighz.. all these questions are useless already.. I understand that its all over right now.. trying hard to let go gal.. but its easier said than being done.. =/
Being in love and being suitable for each other is 2 different thing.. do u all realise that? 2 of you might be so in love with each other.. but somehow.. they just cant get along with each other.. character n habits are all too different.. thats when love plays a trick on people.. making people try so hard to be together yet there won't be any results.. =/
do u always have to think twice before u act? do u always have to tink abt the consequences before u act? does everything has to be planned before u act? for eg before u woo a gal.. u have to tink how it'd be like if u are together with her? hmmms.. i wonder.. sighz..
are they suitable for each other? is the guy true to her? will they be together for long? sighz.. i wonder.. =/

Friday, October 22, 2004

hmmms.. dunno why my msn just auto off.. hmmms nvm.. feeling kinda relax rite now.. cos i guess tmr's paper wun be too tough ba.. i hope.. lols..
dunno where to go after the paper.. feeling lost again.. hmmms.. asked dionis out to town.. she say confirm tmr.. hmmms wat to do if she dun wan? asked weijing oso.. see lorhs.. hmmms if realli dun have then call pris.. she called me just now to meet tmr..
sianz arhs!! so long more then next paper.. slacking days.. sighz.. i oso dunno wat to do.. slacking days makes u miss that special someone more.. jes.. im missing u more.. hais..

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

will be off to the first paper of this exam period soon.. within 2 hours time i will be in the exam hall.. not really prepared yet.. sighz.. im still the same old me..
jes.. i miss you..

Sunday, October 17, 2004

last nite met many gals.. met stephanie to pass her the discs at evening.. then acc her go jp buy cake.. after tt headed for town to meet dionis.. ate at ps long john.. then went to play pool at park lane.. she looks quite pretty dressed in all white.. then after that her gf came to join us play pool awhile.. then they went to meet their frens n i continued.. priscilla called me as i was walking.. she said she saw me but i didnt see her.. she asked me to go MU with her.. but i was already on the way to meet rachel n frens.. soo too bad ya.. met rachel n frens at CB there downstair.. they look all dressed up for clubbing.. but too bad the one who promised to bring them in pang seh them.. haha.. then one of the 3 gals went home.. left 2.. tok tok awhile.. then another one went to meet frens oso.. then left rachel.. so we headed for angel at ms.. inside not really many pple la.. the music is techno.. the lightings not bad.. got bikini dancers oso.. haha.. got quite a handful of chups la.. haha.. quite nice.. drank abit then go dance.. until leg soft lehs.. haha.. after that cos rachel didnt wanna go home.. then we headed down to esplanade to wait for time to pass.. she slept on my leg.. then till morn le go 7-11 buy drinks then take cab home..



sigh.. sometimes its really ironical.. you wan love so badly.. and when shes right before you.. even in your arms.. you don't realise how much you love her.. but when shes gone.. only then you realise how much she means to you.. only then you realise that shes all you ever wanted.. that shes whom you've been waiting for all these while.. but its too late when you realise that.. sigh.. i really miss you jes..
thousands of times i thought i'm in love before.. it never felt like this.. the hurt.. the misses.. I just can't help but think of you.. so many times I thought its just a relationship.. but only now I realise how much you mean to me.. and you're the one whom I wished for.. but at this very moment.. you're already in someone else's arms.. I try hard to tell myself to accept it.. but if only it is so easy.. I wouldnt be living my life this way now..
these days.. I often look into the mirror.. but I cant recognise the person in there.. I feel that I can't recognise myself anymore.. I don't understand myself.. I dunno wat am I living for.. so much so.. I'm getting more n more used to being alone.. so much so that I'm becoming more n more like a loner.. drifting away from everyone..
I had many gals in my arms the past few days.. but yet I still feel so lonely.. so lonely without u jes.. the nights become especially cold.. I realised only you can make me feel warmth.. but now you're taking the warmth away from me.. and will nv grant me another moment of warmth again.. Jes.. I love you.. I really do.. but I know you don't anymore..

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

hmmms in sch now.. just had entrepeneurship test.. 30%.. hmms alrite ba.. will pass but dun tink will score ba.. hmmms.. now slacking in the library while waiting for next lesson.. =)
hmmms.. tokin to this really interesting gal.. called stephanie.. kinda cliqued.. lols.. shes nice to chat with.. =) she oso writes all those quote stuffs.. haha..

Monday, October 11, 2004

hmmms.. let me say about the story between me n jes.. well.. we met each other at orchard sometime in aug.. somehow met my fren at orchard n joined them for dinner and shes there.. after that got her frenster from my fren and somehow got to noe her better from there.. then we met up on 10/9/2004.. went to find her at marina.. she was with her godsis n her godsis bf.. everything was really smooth.. and somehow i put my arms around her shoulders and we got together somehow.. quite magical actually.. but we just did.. was supposed to go clubbing that nite.. but gave up the idea cos of her.. we went to lao pa sa to eat supper.. then we held hands.. hugged.. was really close.. after that all four of us went to her house.. to play mahjong.. but she nv play.. on the way.. in cab.. she was in my arms as she asked me.. " are we really together or play play de?" i said.. yes.. =) ahha.. she sat on my lap as we were playing.. felt really sweet.. very loving.. haha.. then i won 40 plus.. lol.. was realli sweet.. next mon we went to white sands to have breakfast at macdonalds.. was very sweet.. haha.. she gave me the sausages.. =)
after breakfast i went home cos i had to go sentosa and she had to go for her dunno who de wedding.. we met up again later in the day.. she came by my house.. was watching movie.. then after that somehow felt sick n tired.. so didnt send her home.. felt really bad.. few days later we met again.. go her workplace there to eat.. ahah.. got free dishes.. lols.. cos got contacts there.. but quite hard to smuggle.. was really sweet eating with her.. =) after that send her home.. few days later.. met her at tamp mall.. meet her ex n her god sis.. we went to play pool.. felt some jealousy from her ex.. think he still likes her.. but shes mine.. haha.. so didnt really bother.. after playing was really late le.. so just sent her to bus stop.. we shared ice cream~~ =P haah.. then few days later.. i somehow got drunk one nite.. and i uttered nonsense to her via sms.. telling her not to be too serious and stuffs.. cos i noe very well that before this.. im quite a flirt.. and im afraid of hurting her.. somehow.. the words i said hurt her alot.. and she ask me one question.. she asked me how long i think we would last.. i wanted to be honest with her.. i said a few mths.. cuz i wasnt sure if we cld last long.. she was really hurt.. she felt i was cheating her feelings.. and she told me to give her sometime to reconsider abt the r/s.. somehow.. at that moment.. i realised how much she'd mean to me.. though we known each other not for long.. and havent been together for long.. i realised my love for her was growing strong.. i tried to apologise and salvage.. but her reply on 23/9/04 was " sorry.. i think we better be frens.. thanks for everything.." sighz.. i was devastated.. i tried very hard to salvage.. but she was determined.. my words were of no use.. almost one week plus later.. i heard shes gotten a bf.. sigh.. my heart broke into pieces den.. i didnt noe how to react.. sigh.. i really miss her.. might sound ridiculous.. but i hasnt really felt this kinda feelings b4.. sigh.. even if i did b4.. its a long time ago.. sigh.. i really miss u jes..

Sunday, October 10, 2004

jes.. i really wonder how are u? been thinking about u everyday.. i nv had such feelings.. such deep feelings.. perhaps at the start i wasnt really sure and i admit its my fault.. and i'd only realised now how much u mean to me and how much i needed u.. but i guess its all too late..



hais.. i really miss u jes.. its been quite a while.. but i just cant seem to be able to stop thinking about u.. everywhere i go.. i just think abt u.. think abt the time we spent together.. hais.. i really miss u..

Saturday, October 02, 2004

- Lost Soul #3385 -

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