Saturday, November 27, 2004

hmmmms.. long long time nv blog lerhs.. recently been busy working and doing nothing else.. life is so ever boring.. so sianz one.. no sparks.. no colours.. sob sob..
later maybe going pri sch gathering.. or maybe mahjong session.. and nite time think go see jay zhou~~ lols.. dunno isit VIP tix.. is my fren de.. she got it for free.. haha.. so bu qu bai bu qu.. =)

scribbled
1:51 PM

Friday, November 19, 2004

im beginning to dread laughter.. to dread happiness.. sigh.. they dun last.. not that i dread smiling or wat.. but.. i dread the quietness.. the loneliness.. the emptiness that always follows.. sigh.. im feeling it again.. the horrible feeling.. the feeling of emptiness.. the feeling of loneliness.. feeling so lost.. sigh.. its an inevitable cycle.. sighz.. how i wish theres someone who can care for me now.. someone to love me.. sighz.. someone who can just be there for me.. i hate this.. sighz.. i dunno how to go on anymore.. i totally agrees with the phrase "wat goes up must comes down".. sigh.. is it possible to overrule this phrase? =

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6:39 PM

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

sighz.. .actuallI I juZ wisH foR sumonE tO treaT mI sweeT n nicE.
is it that tough? a pleasant surprise once in a while.. saying sum sweet stuffs to make mie happie.. why do these stuffs only happen to others around mie.. and i have to endure the pricking of lonliness inside my heart each time i hear these stuffs.. sighz.. perhaps its just not meant to be.. i'll never be fortunate enuff to enjoy even the glimpse of love..

scribbled
5:26 PM

Monday, November 15, 2004

sighz..
another busy day at work.. no matter how busy i am.. somehow.. she just squeezed her way into my mind.. to fill every moment im idling.. sighz..

scribbled
1:04 AM

Friday, November 12, 2004

hmmms.. today woke up at 1+pm.. then went town walk walk awhile.. then started work at 5.. no matter how busy i was at work.. she just keeps appearing on my mind.. sighz.. just cant get my mind off her.. sighz.. today work 8 bucks per hour.. but only work 6 hrs nia.. but good enuff larh.. hmmms.. worked till 10.30 lidat.. swept n mopped the whole place! my goodness! tired sia.. reached home at abt 11.30.. went jogging till abt 12.30 despite the tiredness.. must shed the extra weight larh.. bo bian.. too much of delifrance makes me fat.. haha.. now.. alone in my room.. facing the comp.. she appears in my mind again.. i really miss u jes.. =/ sighz..

scribbled
1:52 AM

Thursday, November 11, 2004

sighz.. u tell mi a 2nd time to give up.. sighz.. how shld i react? wat shld i do?
imagine the person u love most.. telling u to give up.. sighz
no matter wat u say.. my heart will remain the same.. i still love you.. its a fact i cant change..
though we will not contact lerh.. u will still be always on my mind.. always in my heart..
how much i'd hate to let go.. but i have to..
leave u alone? how'd i bear to.. sighz..
i really nid u by my side gal..
it really hurts to see u tis way..
how i wish i can embrace u in my arms again..
but this time.. i'll never ever let go ever again..
perhaps this will only happen in my dreams..
dreamt of u again.. sigh.. now.. even in dreams.. i have to peep at u from afar..
=(

scribbled
2:26 PM

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

sigh.. jes.. i realli dunno wats going on.. wat happened? did the 2 of u breakup? are u alrite? wat happened? sighz.. i noe u're real upset.. real hurt.. i wanna reach out to u.. but u closed the only door which i can go into.. i know i've hurt u in the past.. but i've repented.. i have changed.. u're the only gal in my mind now.. i love you.. u are most important to me.. more important than anything else ever.. i love you.. i really do.. sighz.. i dunno how can i prove to u i have changed.. that i wun ever hurt u again.. jes.. i hope time will show u how i realli feel for u.. *hopefully*

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5:12 AM

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

sigh..
im realli at my wits end lerh.. jes.. tell me wat i can do to make u have confidence in me again?
tell me pls.. i really nid u.. i cant afford to let u leave again.. jes.. i love you.. i noe u nid time.. i will wait.. i will not give up.. for you are the only gal on my mind.. the only gal i love.. this much.. so much so that it hurts.. i wan u to noe.. i'll nv do a thing to break ur heart ever again.. cos i really do love you...

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4:02 AM

Saturday, November 06, 2004

hmms.. lotsa things happen yesterday.. last nite.. abt 11+.. i sms-ed her.. " u like the present?" she said ya.. thanks.. hmms.. then she said she going to be alone at chalet lerhs.. cos her bf say sick.. den after work went home le.. didnt go back chalet to acc her.. sigh.. wat the fook man.. sucks sia him.. if me i no matter wat sure go back acc her one.. i'll nv leave her alone..
so i took a cab down immediately to find her.. reached there in 20 mins.. cos i told the uncle to drive faster.. from jurong to pasir ris coasta sands.. plus midnite charge.. a severe burn in my wallet.. but its not that tt i mind.. i realli wanted to see her badly.. and i didnt wanna her be alone..
she saw me thru the glass panel.. she was shocked.. she opened the door.. "how come u're here?", "you go home larh.." why? cos she said her godsis is going.. and her godsis dislikes me.. and will be angry if she sees me here.. sigh.. no choice.. the pleasant act thats supposed to touch her heart became something that brought her guilt.. sighz..
as i walked away.. i sms-ed her.. "do you realli love him alot?" she said "hai.. dunno.. hai.."
then i asked "do i still stand a chance?".. the same reply i got.. "hai.. dunno.. hais.."
we continued sms-ing.. she told me not to waste my time.. that shes afraid of hurting me and such.. but i am determined that i will wait for her.. cos i know deep inside that i realli love her.. and i dun wanna let her slip by and regret later.. i told her i will wait..
after leaving the chalet.. i went to pasir ris park.. sat down on a bench.. it was really cold n quiet.. starry nite.. heard some ghost stories abt there.. haha.. so went back to downtown east.. used the internet kiosk for a while.. to go msn find pple chat.. cos i felt realli down.. and realli needed someone to tok to but couldnt find any..
after that.. was on the fone with tidus n roxy.. roxy said theres a 24 hr coffeeshop in the neighbourhood.. so i found my way there.. ate and studied there till 4.20am.. then walked to pasir ris mrt.. was listening to my mp3.. so wasnt that bad.. reached there at 5am.. first train leaves at 5.28am.. haha.. so i waited.. and got home at around 6.30.. quite fast though.. had a quick shower.. then napped till 10am..
after that go sch study for the paper.. the calculation parts.. the paper was quite easy though.. passing shouldnt be a problem i guess.. =)
as i went home.. it drizzled.. actually going to play mahjong one.. but some idiot pang seh me.. so ended up staying at home play game..
just now 11+pm went to eat supper with peiling.. damn full sia.. eat at taman jurong mac.. till they close.. lols.. then go arcade play time crisis awhile.. lols.. my aiming realli getting worse.. too long nv play this kinda games le ba.. took the bus home.. and now here i am.. =)

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2:20 AM

Thursday, November 04, 2004

sighz..
been thinkin abt her all day long.. cycled out to get my hair cut.. the person who cut for me today is a babe.. hot babe whos got a tatoo on her hand.. her name is michelle.. haha.. at first.. as she was cutting.. i was thinking.. my hair is becoming uglier under her hands.. but i thought nothing bad would come out from the hands of a pretty woman.. so i waited for the final product.. it turned out that it looks alrite.. =)
and as i walked out of the saloon.. the cruel sky splashed water on me.. no choice but to lock under hdb and come back n get later.. took a bus to jp to buy the cd-r to burn the cd for her.. bought n took a bus back to get the bicycle.. reached home.. rushed everything.. realised i hasnt eaten all morning.. but had to rush for job training.. no choice.. reached bugis.. rushed to get some food to bite at old chang kee.. bite a lil on the way to gateway.. reached n had hygiene classes.. the 2hr+ class was realli long.. sighz.. as the class finished.. i dragged myself to parco.. got the box wrapped with a ribbon at the gift shop.. n then i left for hell..
tonite the saddest man got drenched.. took cover under the weeping sky as i walked towards her chalet.. sighz.. heavy footsteps.. dragging n dragging.. finally.. i reached.. i saw 2 guys.. one is my fren.. n the other.. the hated one.. and i saw her next.. sitting at the stair playing with a kid.. she walked out as she saw me.. i wished her happy birthday and passed her the present.. sighz.. i feel so unfamiliar with her.. feels so far away.. like a distance never reachable.. sighz.. i left soon after.. they asked if i wanna eat.. but i said i had eaten.. but the truth is.. i hasnt eaten all day.. i didnt have the appetite to.. sigh.. i miss you jes..
i noe theres no turning back anymore.. i'll try to let go.. he seems a honest man.. i hope he will treat u well.. better than i will.. i wish u all the best.. sighz.. a smile i have to wear.. a forceful one.. sigh.. =)

scribbled
2:30 AM

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

tonite is the nite.. when i fall apart.. into pieces.. i just keep tinkin abt wat shes doin rite now at the chalet.. tt i shld be the one there with her if i hasnt..... sighz.. i really miss her.. been feelin sucky all day.. cos its the day i dread.. all the memories just come back to haunt me.. im feeling all the pain.. listening to all the sappy songs now.. choosing songs for the cd im making for her.. somehow.. i feel my emotions just flowing none stop.. with the songs i play.. sighz.. i know i miss her.. its more than ever.. but its gonna go on.. cos i noe she'll nv be mine anymore.. nv again.. still.. i have to try one last time.. perhaps this way i'll feel less regret.. i hope she will be moved by the birthday present i spent a long time on.. sighz.. i hope.. but i noe deeply tt.. even if she is moved.. nothing will happen.. she wun leave her bf for me.. i noe deep inside that its over.. all over.. but i just dun wanna face it.. sighz..

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1:37 AM

Monday, November 01, 2004

heyhey.. hmmms... on the fone with some crazy pple.. my god.. slangs slangs.. haha.. canort take it..
sighz.. missing her like crazy.. sighz.. how i wish i can see her now.. or maybe just listening to her voice is enuff.. sighz.. i juz cant help but tink of her all day.. cant get her out of my mind.. sighz.. all day been trying to get myself distracted.. but i just keep on tinkin abt her.. i dread it when i tink abt wednesday.. i just dunno wat to do.. sighz.. im still doing her present now.. sighz.. wat shld i do.. i really dunno wat to do abt it.. sighz..

scribbled
3:50 AM